|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 13:54:09 GMT 8
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 13:56:00 GMT 8
NEW PINOY SALAWIKAIN
*Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard.
* Better late, than pregnant.
* Behind the clouds are the other clouds.
* It's better to cheat than to repeat!
* Do unto others ... then run!!!
* Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
* Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
* When all else fails, follow instructions.
* Di bale ng duwag, hindi naman gulpi
* Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
* To err is human, to errs is humans.
* Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bading kumakapit
* Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw
* Mabuti na walang tulog, kaysa sa walang gising..
* Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.
* No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
* Birds of the same feather that prays together ... stays together.
* Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
* Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
* Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.
* Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
* Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
* Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
* Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
* Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
* Better late than later.
* Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
* Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
* No man is an island because time is gold.
* Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.
* Kapag ang puno mabunga ... mataba ang lupa!
* When it rains ... it floods.
* Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.
* Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
* Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.
* Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
* Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
* Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
* Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
* If you can't beat them, shoot them.
* An apple a day is too expensive.
* An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 13:57:40 GMT 8
1st name.. Last name
Q: Anong apelyido ni Sisa? A: Sisa Mistrit
Q: Anong apelyido ni Cedie? A: Cedie Player
Q: Anong apleyido ni Beast? A: Beast Kwit
Q: Anong first name ni Nemo? A: Sarahgero Nemo
Q: Anong apelyido ni Punisher? A: Punisher Ranno
Q: Anong apelyido ni Denzel? A: Denzel Weta
Q: Anong apelyido ni Curly? A: Curly Gazpi
Q: Ano last name ni Anchor? A: Anchor Tis
Q: Ano last name ni Jewel? A: Jewel Torre
Q: Ano last name ni Kula? A: Kula Desma
Q: Ano surname ni Joseph? A: Joseph Protgam
Q: Anong apelyido ni Aiko? A: Aiko Zada
Q: Anong apelyido ni Christopher? A: Christopher Minute
Q: Anong apelyido ni Palito? A: Palito Lippi
Q: Anong first name ni Keno? A: Krisa Keno
Q: Ano first name ni Janno? A: Eduman Janno
Q: Ano first name ni Squall? A: Piolopa Squall
Q: Ano first name ni Basilio? A: Lacto Basilio
Q: Ano first name ni Pikachu? A: Cherrypie Pikachu
Q: Ano first name ni Kenny G? A: Johnep Kenny G
Q: ano ang first name ni Volta? A: Johntra Volta
Q: Ano first name ni Diether? A: Tirso Cruz Diether
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 13:59:38 GMT 8
Beauty Pageant --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend? Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy. Host : What taptoy? Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage? Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure.... Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less. Girl : Uhmm… more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines ? Girl Contestant : Bocaue. Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines ? Why Bocaue? Girl : Because it's a magnificent place. Host : Which part of Bocaue? Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo…," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, “CITYYYYYYYY! !!!”
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 14:00:52 GMT 8
(From Little Miss Philippines )
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo? Girl : Maging lalaki po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Who's your favorite author? Contestant : Danielle Steele Host : Why Danielle Steele? Contestant : Because, because…Danielle Steele, I like best.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : How would you like me to address you? Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your best feature? Contestant : My graduation feature.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest? Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate? Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito? Contestant : BRA!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is you favorite motto? Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners? Contestant : Please come back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 14:02:59 GMT 8
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you? Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your typical day? Contestant : I think Saturday po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From gay contest) Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant? Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading...... ano nga po ulit yung question?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset? Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your favorite motto? Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying “Time is gold! Time is gold!”) Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?" Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable? Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your motto? Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character? Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.) Host : Who is your favorite hero then? Girl : Hulk Hogan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be? Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants? Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage? Girl : Between 24 and 25!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now? Girl : I'll be 28.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Describe your love one in three words. Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko. Host : OK, sige! Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be? Girl : Power of Attorney!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author? Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare. Host : What works of Shakespeare? Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh. Host : But he's your favorite. Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today? Girl : Drugs. Host : Why? Girl : Mahal eh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the essence of being gay? Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What makes you blush? Girl : Blush on!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the essence of a man? Gay Contestant : Testicles!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk? Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 20, 2009 14:11:44 GMT 8
English movies u should not translate in tagalog
1. Black Hawk Down - Ibong Maitim sa Ibaba 2. Dead Man's Chest - Dodo ng Taong Patay 3. I Know What You Did Last Summer - Uyy... Aminin! 4. Love, Actually - Sa Totoo Lang, Pag-ibig 5. Million Dollar Baby - 50 Milyong Pisong Sanggol (depende sa exchange rate) 6. The Blair Witch Project - Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang si Blair 7. Mary Poppins - Si Mariang May Putok 8. Snakes on a Plane - Nag-ahasan sa Ere 9. The Postman Always Rings Twice - Ang Kartero Kapag Dumutdot Laging Dalawang Beses 10. Sum of All Fears - Takot Mo, Takot Ko, Takot Nating Lahat 11. Swordfish - Talakitok 12. Pretty Woman - Ganda ng Lola Mo 13. Robin Hood, Men in Tights - Si Robin Hood at Ang Mga Felix Bakat 14. Four Weddings and a Funeral - Kahit Apat na Beses ka Pang Magpakasal, Mamamatay Ka Rin 15. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat 16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - Adik si Harry, Tumira ng Shabu 17. Click - Isang Pindot Ka Lang 18. Brokeback Mountain - May Nawasak sa Likod ng Bundok ng Tralala /Bumigay sa Bundok 19. The Day of the Dead - Undas 20. Waterworld – Pista ng San Juan 21. There's Something About Mary - May K'wan sa Ano ni Maria 22. Employee of the Month - Ang Sipsip 23. Resident Evil - Ang Biyenan 24. Kill Bill - Kilitiin sa Bilbil 25. The Grudge - Lintik lang ang Walang Ganti 26. Nightmare Before Christmas - Binangungot sa Noche Buena 27. Never Been Kissed - Pangit Kasi 28. Gone in 60 Seconds - 1 Round Lang, Tulog 29. The Fast and the Furious - Ang Bitin, Galit 30. Too Fast, Too Furious - Kapag Sobrang Bitin, Sobrang Galit 31. Dude, Where's My Car - Dong, Anong Level Ulit Tayo Nag-park? 32. Beauty and the Beast - Ang Asawa ko at ang Nanay Nya 33. The Lord of the Rings - Ang Alahero 34. Die Hard - Hindi Mamatay-matay 35. Die Hard, With A Vengeance - Hindi Na Mamatay-matay, Nag-higanti Pa 35. Lost In Space - Mga Tangang Naligaw sa Kalawakan 36. Paycheck - Sweldo 37. What Lies Beneath - Ang Pagsisinungaling sa Ilalim 38. Superman, The Return - Si Superman Bumalik, Naiwanan Ang Brief 39. Cinderella Man - Bading si Cinderella 40. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Nag-trabaho si Charlie sa Goya 41. Blade Runner - Magnanakaw ng Labaha 42. Schindler's List - Mga May Utang kay Schindler 43. Men In Black - Mga Lalaking Namatayan 44. X-Men, The Last Stand - Mga Dating Lalaki, Huling Tinayuan 45. Wedding Crashers - Mga Bwiset sa Kasal 46. The Day After Tomorrow - Sa Makalawa 47. Three Men and a Baby - Ang Tatlong Yayo 48. Catch Me If You Can - Habulin Mo 'Ko 49. A Bug's Life - Ang Buhay ng Isang Surot 50. Die Another Day - Mamatay Ka Uli Bukas 51. The Rock - Ang Shabu 52. Jaws - Panga 53. Back to the Future - Sa Likod ng Hinaharap 54. In the Line of Fire - Tumulay ka sa Alambreng may Apoy 55. Saturday Night Fever - Sabado ng Gabi, may Trangkaso 56. Stepmom - Tapakan si Inang 57. Brother Bear - Kuya Oso 58. Police Academy - Paaralan ng Mga Buwaya 59. The English Patient - Ang Pasyenteng Inglesera 60. Man on Fire - Nasusunog na Mama 61. The Horse Whisperer - Ang Tsismoso ng mga Kabayo 62. Dante's Peak - Ang Bumbunan ni Dante 63. Legends of the Fall - Ang Kasaysayan ng mga Lampa 64. The Forgotten - Ewan
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 21, 2009 5:55:27 GMT 8
PARENTAL WISDOM - Filipino Style
Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit ginintuang butil na payo na nakuha ko sa aking mga magulang.
1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE : "Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."
2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay: "Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"
3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC : "Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."
4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC: "Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."
5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY: "Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"
6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM: "Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"
7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA: "Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"
8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER: "Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"
9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE: "Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."
10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!"
11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS: "Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"
12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY : "Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"
13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION : "Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"
14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING: "Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"
15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR: "Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"
16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE : "Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak...tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 21, 2009 9:26:48 GMT 8
Joke Joke Joke ******
Graduate na Matapos ang dalawang taon na pag-aaral sa Manila ay masayang umuwi ang anak sa kanilang probinsiya. Son: Itay, sa wakas natapos na rin ako sa pag-aaral. Dad: Magaling anak! Ano bang tinapos mo? Son: AB, Itay. Dad: AB lang inabutan ka nang dalawang taon? Ako, isang taon lang, tapos ko ang ABC hanggang XYZ!
************* le: Doc, meron po akong brownish discharge. Parang na- infect. Duktor: Gaano kadalas ka mag-sex? Ale: Once a year po. Duktor: Ahh, hindi yan infection, KALAWANG YAN!!
***** Loi: "Love, may mga friends ako na nagpa-enhance ng boobs. Okey lang ba sayo kung magpadagdag din ako? Erap: "Ewan ko, parang hindi yata bagay sa'yo ang tatlong suso!!!"
****** Isang ale to another: How do you make your husband punctual in coming home from work? Second ale: Simple....... I tell him sex will start at exactly 9 pm, with or without him!!! ******
ANAK: ;'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama? INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!
******
Girl: Hayop ka! Matapos mong ipasubo at ipa-blow sa akin… ipuputok mo pa sa mukha ko?! Boy: Hindi ko na mapigilan, eh! Girl: Hmph… eto piso..bumili ka nga uli ng plastic balloon sa tindahan!
******
Misis: Hon, bakit ba ang dumi-dumi mo at ang baho pa?! Mister: Nakita mo ba ‘yung maliit na imburnal na ‘yun? Misis: Oo… Mister: Puwes… ako, hindi ko nakita!
***** Daddy: Anak, bading ka ba? Junior: Aba, dad! Alam n’yo ba na takot sa akin ang mga classmate ko? Respetado ako sa school! Daddy: Talaga, anak? Junior: Oo, dad! Ang tawag nga nila sa akin, ‘Mahal na Reyna’!
*****
Sa isang mumurahing airline… Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner? Pasahero: Ano ba ang choices? Sterwardess: YES or NO lang po.
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 21, 2009 9:32:55 GMT 8
TAWA NA LANG TAYO!!!
Sa isang ospital... > Lola (may cancer) : Doc, > anong gagawin nyo sa akin? > Doc : Che-chemo lola. > Lola : Titi mo rin!!! Bastos > ka!! walang modo!!
"There what it takes to be. Then > we shall so be it because it is. > To do or not to is in the what, > now or what else. > Without which there never to > you!" > - Words of wisdom from > Senator Lito Lapid
Pare1: Pare, bat naman > hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa bang > napupusuan? > Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka > lang! > (nyahahahaha! )
Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako > kaya lang di ako masuka > Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre > ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo > (pare 1 sinundot > ang tonsils ..) > Pare 1: Di pa rin e > Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin > mo pwet mo > (pare 1 > sinundot ang pwet ...) > Pare 1: Wala pa rin > Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule > isundot sa bibig mo ...... > (pag hindi ka pa > masuka nyan ewan ko na!!!!!)
Hating-gabi, hot si misis.
> Haplos niya ilong ni mister, kiliti niya sa > leeg, saka bulong malambing sa > tenga. > Misis: Love, ala na ko > panty. > Mister: Huh! Cge, tulog na, > bukas ibili kita.
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 21, 2009 9:34:51 GMT 8
####
anak: itay, nag tumbling po ako sa school!
itay: ano? di ba sinabi ko sa syo na wag ka magta-tumbling sa school at makikita panty mo!
anak: di nila makikita yun tay, nilagay ko muna sa bag yung panty ko e.
#####
Gwapo nagttext
gwapo: luv, pasend naman ng load
bakla:ok luv! (nagmamadaling maghanap ng load)
bakla:luv, nasend ko na, na receive mo?
gwapo: hu u?
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 21, 2009 9:36:49 GMT 8
HOW TO DELIVER BAD NEWS
Ganito magbigay ng masamang balita
KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....
"Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."
"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?
"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."
"'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?
"Opo, Master Carlos, 'yun na nga po."
"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"
"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."
"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"
"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."
"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"
"E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."
"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"
"'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."
"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"
"'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."
"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan 'yung kandila?"
"Para sa burol po."
"Ano? Kaninong burol?
"Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."
|
|
|
Post by nicky on Oct 22, 2009 19:50:49 GMT 8
A Filipino and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game. The Filipino, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, the Filipino declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the Filipino's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Filipino doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Filipino asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers. Checks the input. All to no avail! Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Filipino and hands him $500. The Filipino thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Filipino and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Filipino reaches into his purse, hands the American $5,and goes back to sleep!
|
|
|
Post by nicky on Oct 22, 2009 20:04:45 GMT 8
PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo? JUAN: Pata! PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata? JUAN; PATA-galan ng kwento!
ADIK: Doc, grabe yung panaginip ko gabi gabi, kasi lagi daw akong nanunood nang basketball. DOCTOR: sige halika may gamot ako para dyan. ADIK: Wag muna dok, championship game na mamaya eh!
AMO: kelan lang tayo bumili ng toothpick, bakit naubos agad? MAID: ewan ko po mam, kapag ako po ang gumamit sinosoli ko naman ah!
TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA? BOY#1: Naglaba mam! TITSER: Tama! Eh, ang present tense? BOY#2: Naglalaba! TITSER: Tama na naman! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE? BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!
AMERICAN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!
IN TAGALOG: kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!
ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES : 1. Doctors go back to school to be nurses abroad. 2. Rats are normal house pets. 3. Soap opera is reality and news provide the dramas of life. 4. Actors make the rules and politicians provide the entertainment!
ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish. HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese. JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot. RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo. JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina. MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork. AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon. GMA: half !!..
TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor. ANAK:Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro. TATAY: Bakit naman? ANAK: Matalino ang tatay nun!
A song for our Honorable (DAW!) Congressmen and Senators, Mayors and Governors:
"BOOM CORRUPT CORRUPT, BOOM CORRUPT CORRUPT, KURAKOT, KURAKOT, BOOM BOOM BOOM!"
INTERVIEWER: Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless? ERAP: Marami, kaso may problema. INTERVIEWER: Ano po yun? ERAP: ang hirap nilang hanapin, kasi wala silang address.
MGA JOB TITLES NA DAPAT NANG PALITAN: PRESIDENT- pasimuno. VICE PRESIDENT- kunsitidor. SECRETARY- palsipikador. TREASURER- kubrador. AUDITOR- kasabwat. PUBLIC RELATION OFFICER- tsismoso. REPRESENTATIVES- pahamak. SPOKESMAN- bolero. SGT-AT-ARMS- tirador. ADVISER- taga sulsol. (mas tama di bah?)
JUAN; Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata. TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata! Englisin mo yan! JUAN: Paano? TATAY: KANG GUD!
ERAP: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco? OPERATOR: Just a minute, Sir.. ERAP: Really? Thank you..
Pilita Corrales - Asia's Queen of Songs LANI MISALUCHA - Asia 's Nightingale. REGINE VELASQUEZ - Asia 's Song Bird. GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO - "Mole of Asia "
SA RESTORAN... CUSTOMER: Waitress! Ano ba 'tong binigay mo sa akin, kape o tsaa? Lasang gas 'to ah! WAITRESS: Kung yan ay lasang gas, Kape yan! Ang tsaa kasi lasang pintura!
|
|
|
Post by angelcharmz on Oct 23, 2009 11:28:35 GMT 8
smile Attachments:
|
|